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Adv games
Naruto ★ 4.4
Naruto: Kunoichi Trainer - v0.27.1
The whole thing is a mess, and I mean that in the best way. It’s like someone threw Naruto, a bit of Attack on Titan, and a fever dream into a blender and forgot to put the lid on. You’re just some guy who watched too much anime, and suddenly you’re at the gates of Konoha. Hinata, Ino, and Sakura are there, and they think you’re some kind of special trainer. The dialogue is so janky, it’s hilarious. You just roll with it because, honestly, what else are you gonna do in a dream? The “training” is where things go off the rails. You get these options, and they’re not about chakra control, let’s be real. One minute you’re deciding if Hinata should work on her stamina, and the next you’ve got her bent over in a doggystyle scene that’s animated with all the grace of a flipbook. The art is 2D, static mostly, but the expressions are priceless. There’s a bit with Tsunade later on, and her tits are so absurdly huge it circles back to being funny again, like a parody of a parody. I got stuck on a loop with Tenten for a while, trying to figure out the right click to get her into an anal scene, and the game just... didn’t care. It’s buggy, but in a “this is part of the charm” way, not a rage-quit way. Then, out of nowhere, Velma Dinkley shows up. I shit you not. Scooby-Doo Velma, with her glasses and everything, mixed in with kunoichi. There’s no explanation, no setup, she’s just there for a quick oral scene and then the plot stumbles forward like it didn’t happen. The whole thing plays on a mobile browser, so you’re just tapping away, and the slave training mechanics are barely mechanics, more like a suggestion. I wish there was more with Mikasa, her scene is just a blink-and-you-miss-it masturbation moment, which is a crime. The game knows it’s a trashy crossover fanfic and doesn’t pretend otherwise, and that’s why I kept clicking. The sound is nonexistent, by the way, just silence and your own questionable life choices.
Blackmail ★ 5.0
Obscura v2.5
The mask seller won't even look at you until you pick one. That's the first thing. A pig face with cracked porcelain, a bird skull with too many eyeholes, a plain white oval that smells like old sweat. I picked the bird skull because it made me feel like a plague doctor who forgot his medical license. Then the market opens and you realize everyone else already knows the rules. You don't. This is a visual novel about being the desperate one in a place where desperation is currency. No sex scenes, which I know sounds weird for this site, but hear me out. The corruption tag is doing heavy lifting. You watch your character's posture change across multiple endings. Shoulders hunch. Voice gets flat. You start choosing dialogue options that would've made you cringe two hours ago. There's blackmail, there's a guy who sells memories in glass jars, there's a woman who keeps calling you "little moth" and it's never clear if she wants to help or eat you. The dystopian fantasy setting is basically a flea market run by fae who discovered capitalism. The art is 2D and deliberately unpolished. Like someone drew it on a bus. But that works because the whole game feels like a half-remembered nightmare you're not sure you woke up from. Multiple endings, some of which just stop. No fanfare. You pick a door and the screen goes gray and that's it. I wish there was a gallery for the CGs, but there isn't and there won't be. Fine. The male protagonist and female protagonist tags are both there because you switch perspectives at one point and honestly I forgot which one I was controlling for a solid ten minutes. That's not a bug. That's the market getting in your head. Best Use of a Mask That Doesn't Hide Anything award goes to the pig face. You'll know why.