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Positions games
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Positions games
Positions ★ 4.1
Dummies
I keep coming back to this one, not because it's good exactly, but because it's so fucking weird. The whole premise is furniture. You pick a table or a sofa and then the game asks what you want to do with it. Doggy style? Blowjob? It's like IKEA but for hentai positions and honestly that's the funniest thing I've typed all week. The art is deliberately rough, like someone drew it on a napkin during lunch break and said "yeah that'll do." Big boobs everywhere, physics that make no sense, faces that sometimes look in two directions at once. But there's something charming about how little it tries. Most porn games are so serious about their elf kingdoms and corruption meters and here's this thing just going "here's a couch, fuck on it." The humor tag is earned, I laughed out loud when I realized you can just keep cycling through suggestions and the characters barely change expression. The sex is rough, positions are explicit, everything's on display. No censorship, no fade to black, just straight to the point. But the animations are so janky that it loops back around to being hot in a weird way? Like finding an old doujin in a forgotten forum thread. The doggy style on the table option has this one frame where her back bends at an angle that would require removing several vertebrae and I can't stop thinking about it. I wish there were more furniture options. Two pieces feels stingy even for something this deliberately unpolished. A chair? A counter? The possibilities haunt me. Also the blowjob animation cuts off weird at the end, like the artist just stopped drawing mid stroke and nobody noticed. Or maybe they did notice and didn't care. That's the energy of this whole thing really. It exists, it's horny, it's broken, and I respect that more than half the polished Unity games clogging up the front page.
Sex ★ 4.0
Luxurious condoms
You know those flash games from the early 2000s that looked like they were coded in a weekend by someone who just discovered Flash and hentai at the same time? This is that energy. The whole thing is a kamasutra quiz where a woman strikes a pose on the left and you gotta match the right dude position from a grid of options. The art is... functional. Like if clipart had a horny phase. The woman's expression never changes which becomes weirdly funny after the fifth pose. She just stares at you with this blank look while you're trying to remember if that leg configuration is "the lotus" or "the crab" or whatever. I got weirdly competitive with myself. The timer ticks down and suddenly I'm sweating over whether her knee goes here or there. The game doesn't care about your feelings. Wrong answer? Cold, clinical buzz sound. Right answer? Points go up and the next pose loads with zero fanfare. No celebration, no encouragement, just more naked people arranged like furniture. The positions get increasingly absurd too, stuff that would require a chiropractor on standby. There's something almost performance art about the whole thing, this deadpan delivery of extremely explicit content with the enthusiasm of a math worksheet. The nudity is full and unapologetic but presented with all the erotic charge of assembling IKEA furniture. I kept playing way longer than makes sense because the scoring system triggered some lizard brain completionist nonsense. Miss one and you'll never get that perfect run. The test format means you can memorize patterns but the timer prevents you from actually thinking, so you end up making the same stupid mistakes. I wish there was some kind of pose gallery unlock or something but no, it's just the quiz forever. Pure, uncut, unpolished quiz. Honestly I don't know if this is brilliant or terrible but I played it for twenty minutes straight so maybe that's the review right there.