Beauty Getting Spunked

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★ 4.0 (365 votes) 56.4K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

The audio is what gets me. Not the music, there isn't any, but that wet, rhythmic slapping that somehow sounds exactly like someone stirring mac and cheese. You know the sound. Too thick, too wet. It loops every four seconds and by the third minute I'm not even watching anymore, just listening to this culinary nightmare while the same brunette with the impossibly shiny skin bobs her head up and down. Her eyes never blink. I counted.

She's supposed to be Asian, I think, but the 3d model looks like someone took a default character from a fitness app and stretched the face until the cheekbones could cut glass. The hair physics though. The hair physics are genuinely impressive. Every strand moves independently when she switches positions, which happens with the grace of a slideshow. One frame she's doing something with her mouth, next frame she's bent over a surface that doesn't cast shadows. The cumshot lands on her face and it just sits there, glowing slightly, like someone dropped a melted marshmallow on the render.

The guy has a boner the entire time. Even after. That's in the description and it's true. He never softens. It's almost admirable, this unwavering commitment, this anatomical impossibility treated as background noise. The creampie scene arrives without warning and the camera angle shifts to something that made me tilt my head like a confused dog. I've seen better composition in security footage.

There's a moment where she looks directly at the camera and her expression is completely blank. Not sultry, not bored, just the thousand-yard stare of a character model waiting for the next animation trigger. It's the most honest part of the whole thing. I wish the facial animations had even a fraction of the effort put into the hair. But they don't and they won't and that's fine, I guess, because the target audience isn't here for nuanced performance. They're here for the positions, all of which are present and accounted for, delivered with the mechanical precision of a factory robot assembling a car.

The sound loop restarts. Mac and cheese forever.

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very nice nice niceeeee