About this game
The whole thing feels like someone made a Star Wars porno on a budget of three credits and a half eaten protein bar. Kaylan, or whatever you name the guy, has this permanently surprised expression that doesn't change whether he's dodging blaster fire or getting his lightsaber polished, if you catch my drift. The art is that specific kind of CG hentai where the skin textures look like shiny plastic and the anatomy goes a bit... interpretive during the action scenes. One minute you're in a cantina that's clearly just a recolored screenshot with some dialogue boxes slapped on, the next you're balls deep in a Twi'lek who's making sounds I can only describe as a malfunctioning astromech droid.
The plot tries so hard to be a real Star Wars story, with all this drama about the Force and some warrior code, and then it just. Stops. For a blowjob. The tonal whiplash is genuinely hilarious. There's a scene where a Sith lord is monologuing about power and darkness, and the very next click has Kaylan getting a very enthusiastic oral exam from a Jedi padawan. I had to put my phone down and just stare at the wall for a bit. The writing is this weird mix of someone who really loves the source material and someone who really, really needs to get off. They'll spend three paragraphs explaining hyperspace routes and then describe vaginal sex with the clinical precision of a medical textbook but the enthusiasm of a teenager who just discovered his dad's holocron collection.
The sound design. Oh man. The moans are looped so badly that during one romantic scene, the female character's audio cue got stuck and she just kept going "ah, ah, ah" for a solid minute after the scene ended. I was back in the dialogue tree, picking conversation options, and she's still going in the background like a broken smoke detector. The blaster sounds are clearly just someone saying "pew" into a tin can. I'm not even joking. For a parody, it's almost too committed to the bit. Almost.