BallDick in the Poker Block

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★ 5.0 (34 votes) 2.2K plays Instant Play

About this game

BallDick wants to fuck. I mean that's the whole game right there in the first sentence of the character select screen. No weeb euphemisms, no "conquer the maiden," just... BallDick wants to fuck. But fuck costs money. Pure poetry.

So you're this weird fleshy blob thing with eyes, and you drive a car around a maze collecting playing cards to build a poker hand. And you need to win 100 bucks to see the stripper lady take off more clothes. I spent like 40 minutes grinding this garbage and dying to pixel cars that spawn right on top of you. The hitbox is absolutely criminal. I'm screaming at my screen because BallDick got flattened by a sedan I definitely dodged, and now I lost my pair of queens and have to start the lap over. The maze is just... green. It's one shade of green. No landmarks. I got lost in a 30 second loop for a genuinely embarrassing amount of time, just turning right like a Roomba mapping out its own special hell.

But when you finally get that hundred bucks? The scene switches and it's this grainy real model, some woman in a bra, doing a little shimmy. And holy shit the dissonance. You go from this crude arcade fever dream to a live action strip tease like it's a forgotten Win95 shareware disc your uncle kept in a drawer. The poker logic is busted too, I had a flush and the game called it a "high card" which made me question if I even understand card games. Anyway BallDick's nosebleed animation when the clothes come off is the most relatable thing in the whole experience. He just... leaks. Same, BallDick. Same. The whole thing feels like a shitpost that accidentally compiled.

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