About this game
A giant gorilla with a massive, throbbing erection is chasing you. That’s the game. The whole thing feels like a sketch on a napkin someone found behind a bar, and honestly? That’s the appeal. You’re this little dude, and you have to zigzag across a single screen to reach Eva, a blonde with tits that defy basic anatomy, to get a kiss. Each successful smooch is a point. You get five lives. The gorilla, he’s not just lumbering. He’s got this terrifying, single minded shuffle, his pixelated cock bobbing with a rhythm that’s somehow both hilarious and deeply unsettling. Miss a turn and he’s on you, and the screen cuts to a crude, humping animation that’s so abrupt it made me snort my drink.
The controls are just the arrow keys, but the collision is this mushy, imprecise thing. You’ll swear you were clear, but then the beast’s red tip clips your heel and that’s a life gone. I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to bait him into a corner, using a weird diagonal movement that feels almost like a glitch. It’s not about skill, it’s about learning the jank, the specific way the sprites slide against each other. Like a shitty version of the knife scene from Saving Private Ryan, but with more desperate, horny energy. The sound is a single, looping bleep-bloop track that drills into your skull after two minutes.
And Eva just stands there, this static, vacant-eyed prize. The kiss animation is a three-frame loop of faces mashing together. It’s so lazily perfect. I found myself cackling every time I got it, this tiny victory against a furry, priapic nightmare. The whole thing is a masterpiece of a single, stupid joke told with absolute sincerity. I wish the hitbox on the gorilla’s left side was a pixel tighter, it feels unfair. Anyway, the blonde’s hair looks like a block of cheddar.