Intimate Cruise

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★ 4.0 (60 votes) 6.4K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

I booted up this thing, another browser game from that site with the weird name I can never remember, and right away it's that same blonde. You know the one. She's got that look like she wandered out of a different game entirely and got lost. This time she's on a cruise ship, and honestly the background art of the pool deck looks like someone drew it in MS Paint while the actual character model is surprisingly smooth. It's jarring. Like eating a fancy steak on a paper plate.

The setup is pure nonsense. She's by the pool, her top is barely a suggestion, and there's this chief mate guy who apparently knows how to handle "sexy passengers." His solution to whatever her problem is involves a minigame where you basically just click and rub. The masturbation mechanics are simple, a sliding meter you fill up, and if you miss the timing nothing bad happens. It's weirdly forgiving. I sat there clicking away, watching her massive tits bounce with this physics engine that's trying way too hard, and I realized the whole thing is just a loop. You click, she moans, meter fills, scene changes slightly, repeat. There's a point where she's in a cabin and the mate is doing something with his hands that the game describes in text that reads like it was translated through three different languages before landing in English. "He touch her wet place with sailor knowledge." I laughed out loud.

I wish there was more to the cruise setting. You see the pool once and then it's just cabin walls. For a game about a boat, there's no sense of being on one. No ocean sounds, no boat rocking. Just those same three sound effects recycled from what sounds like a 2005 flash game. The blonde's expression barely changes. She's got this permanent half-lidded stare that's supposed to be horny but comes off like she's trying to read a distant street sign. I kept playing anyway. The clicking rhythm gets hypnotic after a while, and the art for her body is actually well done, the shading on her curves has that glossy look that reminds me of old Newgrounds stuff. Not that I'm complaining about the visuals. I'm definitely not. It's just funny how the background looks like it was made by a different person on a different computer in a different decade.

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