Rear Guard

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★ 4.0 (45 votes) 15.5K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

A fucking furry with a giant neon dildo is lecturing me about anal safety and I can't look away. The whole thing feels like someone found a rejected 90s workplace training video, snorted a line of something questionable, and decided to make it horny. There's a brunette, there's a big cock, there's a sextoy that buzzes with the energy of a thousand suns, and somehow the main event is this unpolished, janky animation of a creature explaining how to protect your asshole. Not in a sexy way. In a "this is a public service announcement" way that makes it ten times filthier.

The animation is deliberately rough, like it was rendered on a toaster. The voice acting, if you can call it that, has the cadence of a GPS navigator having a stroke. And the core mechanic? You just watch. You sit there while this furry spokesperson, dead-eyed and chipper, demonstrates the proper use of a dildo as a security device. It's not interactive, it's a short movie, a weird little artifact that exists purely to make you question your life choices. The brunette pops up in what I think is a demo segment, taking a massive silicone cock like it's a home security installation tutorial. The whole thing is absurd.

I wish the dildo had more screen time. The furry gets all the dialogue but that glowing sextoy is the real star, humming with a menace that the anal intruders probably deserve. The whole thing is over before you can properly process the cognitive dissonance. It's not good. It's barely functional. But I've watched it three times now and I'm still thinking about the way the furry's tail twitches when it says "maximum penetration depth." Send help. Or don't. I'm too far gone.

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