Poker Guns

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★ 5.0 (58 votes) 3.4K plays Instant Play

About this game

The whole thing runs in a browser tab and feels like someone duct taped a strip poker mod onto a bullet hell shooter, then forgot to sand the edges. You got these real model photos, not drawings, and they peel off layers when you win a hand. But the poker part is weirdly slow, like waiting for a toaster that never pops. Then the arcade shooting kicks in and it's all twitchy, neon flashes, your combo bar filling while some chick in a garter belt is mid striptease on the side of the screen. Lesbian scenes unlock if you survive long enough without your own cards getting shot to hell.

The translation is a mess. Localization choices feel like someone ran the script through a cheap app and then sprinkled in English swear words for spice. "Defend yours" shows up a lot, no context, just floating there. Card game mechanics are barely explained, you just sort of mash and hope the opponent's poker hand falls apart before yours does. One time I got a royal flush and the enemy still won because the shooter segment counted more. That's not poker, that's punishment.

Honestly the striptease is the only reason to stay. The models are real, grainy, like old webcam captures from 2009. There's an erotic charge to seeing actual skin instead of anime tits, but the game fights you every step. No save system, no pause during the card rounds, and if you tab out the whole thing resets. I complained about the hitbox for the enemy projectiles for like ten minutes to no one. Still booted it up again next day. Go figure.

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