About this game
Fuck me, right. Another week, another family reunion that turns into a softcore circus. This one opens with Mandy’s dad’s house, which feels less like a home and more like a poorly lit audition room. The real model thing, it’s there, but it’s got that uncooked look, like they filmed it on a phone from 2016 and just uploaded the raw files. There’s a weird mole on Lindsey Love’s shoulder that the camera lingers on for way too long during her first scene. I couldn’t stop staring at it. You’re supposed to be making contact or whatever, but the quest is basically just clicking through dialogue that feels like it was translated through three different apps, none of them good.
The striptease mechanics are what you’d expect. Click a button, clothes come off. But the pacing is all wrong. One girl goes from cardigan to fully nude in two clicks, no build up, no music, just the sound of my own heavy breathing and the creak of my desk chair. Then there’s this entire tangent where you’re just looking for car keys in a kitchen drawer. That’s it. A full minute of clicking on a drawer. I started thinking about my own kitchen, how I need to clean the grease trap on the griddle. That’s the level of engagement we’re dealing with.
The erotic part is... functional. It’s like someone described sex to an alien who then tried to recreate it with department store mannequins. Lindsey Love makes a face during the climax that I genuinely think was from a blooper reel they decided to keep. It’s awkward and stiff and I had to close my blinds even though my apartment faces a brick wall. The whole thing has this energy of a project that was abandoned two days before the deadline. I kept playing anyway. Don’t know what that says about me. Probably nothing good.