About this game
The bar music in this game. It loops. It loops badly, like someone’s phone speaker stuck on a 6 second clip. I sat there for maybe ten minutes real time, just clicking through drink options, trying to get the barmaid’s affection meter up. She’s got this flat expression that never changes, even when you nail the dialogue choice about her tattoo. The whole thing feels like a weird time capsule from Newgrounds, 2007, right down to the way the clothes just vanish during the hard sex scenes. No animation, just a pop, and suddenly there’s a crudely drawn pussy. It’s honestly kind of refreshing? No pretense.
The seduction system is basically a memory puzzle dressed up with horny dialogue. You meet a girl in the park, she asks what flower she’s holding, and if you guess wrong she just walks off screen forever. No second chances. I lost the librarian that way because I couldn’t remember if she liked whiskey or vodka. You work a shitty mini game at the docks to earn cash, clicking on moving boxes, to buy a leather jacket that supposedly makes you more stylish. Does it actually change your success rate? I couldn’t tell. The stats are a mystery. You’re just grinding for a digital bomber jacket while some pixel art woman in the club grinds against you with a sound effect like a rusty hinge.
Top 3 Moments You’ll Want to Screenshot. First, the mayor’s daughter’s dialogue during the final seduction stage, it reads like a bad machine translation of a French porno. Second, the glitch where your character’s head disappears during the shower scene with the gym instructor, leaving a headless dude just thrusting away. Third, the game over screen if you get too drunk at the bar and pass out, it’s just a black screen with the word “LOSER” in bright yellow Impact font. It’s so stupid. I wish the park had more than just that one bench, but it won’t. The whole town is like four screens. It’s a simulator of a very specific, very broken weekend where everyone is inexplicably ready to fuck after two conversations. Dare to play it alone, or invite company? Don’t invite company. That’s a terrible idea. The sound mixing alone would kill the mood. The repetitive grunt when you click the thrust button. It’s seared into my brain. The thrust button. You literally click a button that says “Thrust.” I forgot about the money cheat I found. If you click on the seagull near the docks exactly twelve times, you get a thousand dollars. I have no idea why. The game never mentions it. I spent it all on cologne that didn’t seem to do anything. The whole thing is a mess. A sticky, confusing, and strangely compelling mess where you can fuck the real estate agent in her office while her phone rings endlessly. Nobody answers it. It just rings.