Family Assistance

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★ 3.9 (241 votes) 63.9K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

Right out the gate the animation has that janky, early 2000s flash energy that takes me back to staying up way too late on Newgrounds. Max Goof, but here he’s got this wild, almost distorted expression, like someone stretched the model a bit too far and decided to keep it. Suzy Rabbit, same deal. That redhead from the movie but with proportions that make no logical sense. There’s a moment where the angle shifts and her chest just sort of defies physics in a way that made me snort my drink.

The setup is absurd and I mean that as a weird sort of praise. Suzy is struggling. Her boyfriend is, to use the technical term, absurdly stacked. The game doesn’t even try to ease you into it. One second it’s a cartoon reunion, the next it’s a anatomy lesson gone horribly right. And then, boom. Her mom appears. The same style but dialed up. The kind of scenario that makes me question why I remember Saturday morning cartoons so differently. The game calls her Jessica, but it’s more like someone’s slightly melted memory of her. The pacing feels like a pot of water that’s already boiling over the second you turn the heat on, no simmer, just scorch.

You just click and drag sometimes, other times it’s automatic. I still don’t get the loop system, maybe there isn’t one. Wished for a bit more sound besides the generic squelch. The texture work on the mom character is actually not terrible for what it is, but then Suzy’s hair clips through her own shoulder in half the frames like it’s trying to escape. Forgot to mention, there’s this weird zoom feature that seems to trigger by accident if you move the cursor wrong, I nearly closed the tab the first time.

You ever load up one of these on a tablet hidden under a blanket? This is that kind of experience. Dare to play it alone, or invite company? Actually, probably just alone. Maybe clear your browser history after. Why does Max’s face look like that?

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