About this game
Lara Croft lost in some woods and I'm the guy following her. Classic setup, right? The whole thing runs on this old Flash engine so it chugs along like a slideshow sometimes. Clicking through the scenes feels like flipping through a dirty magazine found under a mattress. The art is what you expect from these old XXX games, all exaggerated curves and that one pose where her spine would snap in real life. Her boobs have their own gravitational field, I swear. The voice acting, if you can call it that, is just some moaning loops that start and stop at weird times. It's so jarring it loops back around to being funny.
The "game" part is minimal. You're a stalker fan who followed her, and now you have the helicopter password. So you hold all the cards. Lara needs to convince you to share it. This is where the minimax strategist in me gets frustrated because there's no real negotiation, no branching paths where you can push for more. You just click through a set sequence of her "pleasing" you. And the pleasure is... mechanical. Click, moan, next position. Click, moan, next position. I wanted to game the system, find the optimal sequence to get the best scene, but there is no system. It's just a straight line. A very horny, straight line.
The whole thing is unpolished to the point of being raw. The text has typos that make you squint. "You're a big fan of her and was following her." See? That's the actual grammar from the game. It's like a non-native speaker wrote the script and nobody checked it. But that's part of the bizarre charm. There's a specific moment where Lara's model clips through the floor and just her head and chest are visible, bobbing up and down. I laughed for a solid minute. Don't go in expecting a lost masterpiece. Just click, watch the absurdity unfold, and don't think about the physics. The helicopter will wait.