Attack on Hearts v0.2

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★ 3.7 (3 votes) 497 plays Instant Play

About this game

I don't know what I expected from a porn game that puts Attack on Titan characters in a high school club scenario. Maybe Mikasa doing something with that scarf. Maybe some weird titan shit. Instead I got this thing where you pick a club and then try to bang whoever's in it, which sounds straightforward until you realize the writing is doing backflips trying to justify why Levi would ever join the gardening club.

The art is... there. Sometimes it's actually hot, like when Historia leans in close and her uniform does that thing where the top button is fighting for its life. Other times the faces look like someone described the characters over a bad phone connection and the artist just went with it. Eren's jaw could cut glass but not in the canon way, more like someone stretched the PNG sideways and called it a day.

I picked the literature club because I'm not stupid and I know that's where the quiet freaks go. Three dialogue choices in and Armin is blushing at me like I just recited poetry about his ocean dreams. The sex scene unlocked way faster than I thought it would, which is either a bug or a feature depending on how desperate you are. The moaning sounds like someone recorded themselves humming while doing dishes. I couldn't finish. Not the scene, I mean I literally couldn't finish because the minigame where you have to click the right dialogue option during the deed is timed and I kept picking the one that made Armin talk about strategy instead of whatever was supposed to happen next.

There's a moment where you can accidentally romance Jean by returning his pencil and suddenly you're locked into his route with no warning. I respect the chaos of that design choice but also what the fuck. The whole thing feels like a fever dream where the Survey Corps never existed and everyone's biggest problem is who's taking who to the school festival. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.

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Sparks fly, the armor materializes with a sound like a trash compactor falling down stairs, and the sheriff helmet just sort of appears on your head between frames. I laughed so hard I nearly closed the tab, but then the first alien woman showed up and her tits were, I mean, genuinely massive. Like the AI understood the assignment and then asked for extra credit. The whole thing runs on this janky charm where the 3D models look like they were rendered on a toaster from 2006 but the lighting on the skin, especially during the groping scenes, has this weirdly competent subsurface scattering thing going on. It's uncanny. You get dropped into a sandbox with a world map that has actual cities on it, which surprised me. There's a karma system that supposedly carries over to a sequel, so I spent twenty minutes agonizing over whether to be a dick to this one green skinned lady who kept teasing me through a viewscreen. The dialogue is written by someone who clearly mainlines tokusatsu and cheap philosophy in equal measure. One minute you're debating the nature of justice with a synthetic woman whose ass has its own gravitational pull, the next you're in a turn based battle that feels like it was coded in a weekend. The oral scenes have this particular jank where the mouth animations don't quite sync but somehow that makes it hotter? Like a bootleg VHS you found in your uncle's basement. I wish the map navigation was less clunky, the click zones are tiny and I kept accidentally groping a statue instead of the actual character, which, okay, maybe that's a feature not a bug given the tone. The soundtrack genuinely slaps though. No joke. It sounds like a lost cassette from an 80s sentai show that never existed, all wailing guitars and synth stabs. I caught myself humming one of the battle themes while doing dishes and had to sit down and think about my life choices. The multiple endings thing means I'll probably replay it, which is annoying because I told myself I'd just do a quick look. The AI CG stuff is obvious in places, especially hands, but the sheer volume of questionable women, like over a dozen apparently, means there's always some new disaster of spandex and bad decisions waiting in the next zone.

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