King of Porn City - November 2014 Update

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★ 3.8 (39 votes) 8.6K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

The whole thing feels like someone took a bunch of sticky porno mags from 2003 and scanned them into a browser game, then forgot to add any kind of tutorial. You just click around and suddenly there's a meter filling up and a woman with absolutely ridiculous proportions is making sounds that don't sync with anything. The King of Porn City title is funny because there's no city, no king, just a series of unlockable stages where the goal is always the same. Fill the bar, get the scene.

I spent way too long on the second stage because I didn't realize you had to click a specific spot on her thigh to trigger the next animation. Not the obvious spot either. Like, slightly to the left of where any reasonable person would click. My cursor was just hovering there while I checked my phone and then bam, creampie scene unlocked. The cumshot physics are something else entirely. It's like someone turned the viscosity slider all the way down and then broke the slider off. Just absolute ropes that appear from nowhere and land in patterns that defy gravity. I laughed out loud, which I think was the intended reaction? Maybe not.

The oral sections have this weird rhythm where you're supposed to match a tempo but the visual feedback lags behind your clicks by a solid half second. Makes the whole thing feel drunk. And the anal unlockables are hidden behind some truly baffling progression requirements. I still don't know what triggered the third one. Just clicked around during a blowjob scene and suddenly there was a new icon on the menu. The big tits tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, obviously. Every character model looks like they're about to tip forward from the weight. Not complaining exactly, just observing. The whole experience is unpolished in a way that circles back around to being charming if you're in the right mood. If you're not, it's just frustrating. The porn king thing is apparently a series? I never played the others. Maybe they explain what the hell is going on with that one sound effect that plays every time you finish a stage. Sounds like a microwave dying.

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