Zoe and Vince

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★ 3.8 (10 votes) 3.7K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

The first thing that gets me is the car. It's a brown sedan, utterly forgettable, and Vince keeps drumming his fingers on the steering wheel with this looped animation that made me irrationally angry. Zoe's just staring out the window, her blonde ponytail clipping through the headrest every few seconds. Classic Lesson of Passion jank. You're on this road trip and the world outside is a blurry mess of low poly trees that repeat like a bad dream. I spent maybe ten minutes just clicking on the radio knob, expecting some dumb gag, but nothing. It doesn't even turn on. Why put a radio there if it's just a static texture? That's the kind of detail that festers.

The quest structure is basically a series of horny pit stops. You pull over at a motel and suddenly Zoe's top is off because you chose the dialogue option that said "Let's rest" instead of "Let's keep driving". The logic is a fever dream. A sticky situation, as advertised, literally involves a spilled soda that leads to a very unhygienic hookup in a gas station bathroom. Vince's face during the sex scenes is permanently stuck in a mild grimace, like he's trying to remember if he locked the car. It's hilarious and also deeply unsexy. The various endings thing is a lie, I think. I reloaded a save three times, picked different nonsense, and always ended up at the same crappy motel with the same flickering neon sign. Maybe there's a secret fourth option where they just get a flat tire and call a tow truck, but I couldn't find it.

There's this one moment where Zoe does a little dance by a campfire. Her model's feet don't touch the ground. She's just hovering, shimmying in the void. I couldn't stop laughing. For an adult game, the sex appeal is buried under so many weird graphical glitches it becomes a comedy. Vince's ass has a weird flat polygon that catches the moonlight all wrong. Yet, I kept clicking. Not because it was good, but because the whole thing feels like a weird, horny diorama built by someone who just discovered Poser software in 2004. It's a quest alright, a quest to understand why the blonde's ponytail has more physics than the car.

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