About this game
The cards feel like they're made of cheap plastic, you know? That slightly sticky texture when you drag them across the screen. And the girls, these two blonde teens with dead eyes and real model faces that don't quite match their pixelated bodies, they just... stare. Not at you. Through the camera. Through time itself. I spent maybe twenty minutes trying to figure out if their expressions change when you win a hand. They don't. Or maybe they do and I'm just not good enough at poker. That's the thing about this game, it makes you question your own perception.
Winning a round triggers a video. Not a smooth animation, actual choppy footage of someone who looks vaguely like the static image on screen, doing things. Blowjob scenes mostly. The sound is terrible, like it was recorded in a bathroom, and the loop point is so jarring it feels like the universe hiccups every fifteen seconds. There's a threesome unlock if you grind enough, and honestly the grind is the most erotic part because the poker AI is so stupid it becomes hypnotic. They fold on pocket aces. They go all in on a 7-2 offsuit. It's like playing against ghosts who've never held cards before.
I wish the undo button worked. It's there, grayed out, mocking me every time I misclick a bet. Why put a button in if it's never going to be functional? The whole thing runs in Firefox like a dream though, no stuttering, which is more than I can say for most browser games these days. The blonde on the left has a mole on her collarbone that the video compression turns into a smudge. I keep looking at it. Can't stop looking at it. The game doesn't care if you look. It just deals another hand.