Altered Bloodlines v0.4

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★ 5.0 (2 votes) 612 plays Instant Play

About this game

Okay so Altered Bloodlines. I went in completely blind, just saw the tags and thought, right, another one of those. You know the type. Big tits, big cock, some half assed story about an agent. I’ve been scrolling these sites since the Newgrounds days, back when you’d wait ten minutes for a single flash animation to load a pair of pixelated boobs. This isn't that, obviously. The 3dcg is… there. It’s that specific brand of uncanny where the skin textures look a bit like polished wax fruit. Not complaining, just saying.

You’re this FBI agent, 37, which I guess makes you a DILF by default. The plot kicks off after you’ve already rescued some kidnapped women, which is a weird place to start. Felt like I missed a whole first chapter. My partner Sarah is there, and there’s a romance with a woman named Luci, but honestly my brain glazed over the conspiracy stuff about shadowy enterprises. I was just clicking through to get to the good bits. And there is a lot of groping. Like, a surprising amount. There’s one scene early on where you’re meant to be debriefing a witness and the dialogue options are basically “Ask about the suspect” or “Stare at her chest until a minigame triggers.” I chose the chest, naturally. The mobile game layout makes it easy to play one handed, which is the whole point, isn’t it.

The MILF character, I forget her name, has these absolutely massive boobs that defy physics in a way that’s almost art. There’s a moment where she leans over a desk and I swear the collision detection just gave up. The whole thing is unpolished in a way that wraps back around to being charming. Or maybe it’s just lazy. I can’t decide. The dialogue reads like it was translated through three different languages, which gives it this dreamlike quality where people say things like “I am feeling the danger in my spine.” Me too, buddy. Me too. I kept playing anyway, even when the plot completely lost me, just to see how much bigger the next pair of tits would be. They get bigger. It’s like a weird, horny pokemon evolution.

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