Full House Cleaner

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★ 2.0 (82 votes) 8.4K plays Instant Play

About this game

Strip poker is a dead genre, right? Something about the browser version of this one, dirtycop4u Prison Poker, makes me think of those old Newgrounds flash games but with actual models instead of cartoon goblins or whatever. The models are real women in police uniforms. Well, some kind of cheap halloween costume uniform. The whole thing has a homemade, shot in someone's basement with a ring light vibe. That's honestly the charm point. You're playing poker against two vacuum cleaners, which is the game's strange joke that doesn't land but I appreciate the commitment.

The card game itself is so basic. Texas hold'em with the AI making decisions that feel like a drunk uncle at a family gathering. Not clever. Won't bluff you out of a pot with any finesse. But you're not here for the tactile pleasure of a good fold. You're here to watch these women lose their clothes, piece by piece. The striptease animations are janky. A bra comes off and the model just kind of stands there, dead eyed, chewing gum maybe. I wish the facial expressions changed even a little but they won't. It's frozen. That one small thing, a smirk or a wink, would make this infinitely hotter. Instead it's like they're waiting for a bus.

The lesbian tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting. It's more implied by the scenario, two women stripping together, than anything explicit happening between them. Don't come expecting a scene. But if your thing is uniforms and that specific grainy early 2000s amateur adult site aesthetic, it hits a weird note of nostalgia. Like going through a box of old hustler magazines. The arcade tag is a lie though. There's nothing arcadey about the pace. It's a slow, methodical strip with bad poker. I kept playing. I don't know why. The same loop, deal, bet, fold, watch a skirt drop with no ceremony. Real model stuff can be creepy if it feels too polished. This doesn't have that problem. It feels like you're peaking into someone's unlisted video project. The sound effects deserve a mention, or maybe they dont. A generic slap of cards and a sad little victory chime. I muted it after three hands and put on my own playlist. Something about the silence of the models is actually better. Adds to that deadpan weirdness.

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