The Pilgrimage - Chapter 2 v0.4 Beta

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★ 3.0 (6 votes) 2.3K plays Instant Play

About this game

The leveling system in this thing is basically a corruption meter wearing a trench coat. You start with Tali, all nervous and fidgety, and the game just... watches. Every combat encounter, every dialogue choice with the crew, it nudges a slider. Not a visible one, not really. You just notice her inner monologue shifting from "I should calibrate the engine" to "maybe I'll touch myself in the engine room while EDI's sensors are on a diagnostic cycle." The gamification isn't about XP. It's about how many times you can make her say "fuck it."

There's this one scene with Shiala. The green-skinned commando from the first game, remember her? She's on the ship now, for reasons. The whole thing is a parody, so don't expect lore accuracy. Shiala's teaching Tali some biotic trick, but it turns into a lesson on how many fingers can fit inside a suited quarian. The animation is pure 3DCG jank, the kind where a hand clips through a hip and nobody cared enough to fix it. But the audio. The wet, squelching sounds are mixed way too high, like someone recorded a bowl of mac and cheese being stirred. It's disgusting. I couldn't stop replaying the scene. The corruption mechanic means Tali's dialogue after this is completely unhinged, begging Shepard to watch her with the asari, her voice modulator crackling with static like a broken radio.

The sandbox is a lie. You fly the Normandy to different star systems, but it's just a menu with extra steps. Click on a planet, get a text box, maybe a random encounter with a monster that looks like a rejected husk design. The combat is a simple turn-based thing where losing means a sex scene, so you're almost incentivized to play badly. I spent twenty minutes trying to lose to a varren on purpose just to see what the game cooked up. It was worth it. The thing about Miranda's ass in this game. It's a gravitational anomaly. The camera just gets stuck on it during her dialogue scenes, and the devs clearly knew what they were doing because there's a whole side quest where you help her with "stretching exercises" that involve a lot of anal beads. The big tits tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for every female model. Samara's chest has its own orbit.

I wish the EDI content wasn't locked behind such a weirdly specific choice tree. You have to ignore Liara completely for like three missions, which feels wrong. Liara's scenes are actually tender, in a way that clashes with the rest of the game's greasy energy. The whole thing feels like it was made by someone who really, really wanted to see Tali's face, and then decided to make that everyone else's problem too. The Jedore stuff comes out of nowhere and is never resolved. Classic.

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wish this was me for once.