Retsu Unohana bangs Santa – Bleach Horny…

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★ 4.1 (1024 votes) 274.6K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

Retsu Unohana writing a letter to Santa. That's the setup. The captain who could probably kill you with a glance is sitting there with a quill, asking for... well, you know. Not healing kido. Not a new zanpakuto. The game doesn't waste time pretending otherwise. You click, her top comes off, and those massive tits just exist in that slightly off model way that makes these Meet N Fuck things what they are. The proportions are ridiculous. Her boobs have their own gravitational field. I spent way too long just staring at the jiggle physics, which are somehow both terrible and perfect.

The Santa outfit makes an appearance but it's barely an outfit. More like a suggestion of fabric. There's this one moment with an anal dildo that comes out of nowhere. No buildup. Just bam, here's a toy, deal with it. The animation loops are what you'd expect. Stiff. Repetitive. But also weirdly hypnotic? Like watching a lava lamp made of hentai. The sound design is just wet slapping noises on repeat. My neighbor definitely heard it through the wall. Sorry, Dmitri.

You know what gets me though? Unohana's face. They kept her calm expression. That serene, slightly scary smile she always has in the anime. Even when Santa's going to town, she looks like she's contemplating tea ceremony etiquette. It's unsettling and hot in equal measure. The game's unpolished as hell. The UI looks like it was made in 2005. But that jank adds something. Makes it feel like finding a weird doujin on a forgotten corner of the internet. Which I guess is exactly what this is. Just Unohana, her impossible body, and a Christmas wish that gets answered in the messiest way possible.

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Ai Cg ★ 3.7 Azonexyl-9 v0.1 The first time Sophie looks at you with that mix of pity and something else, something hungry, you know this isn't just another VN about a sad guy with a limp dick. Alex is a mess, right, and you're stuck in his head while he tries to fix his... issues. The whole thing feels like a weird fever dream where the medical trial you sign up for starts smelling like a CIA basement project. The AI art is all over the place, sometimes it gives Sophie these massive, almost ridiculous curves that don't quite match from one scene to the next, but honestly that jank kinda works for the gaslighting vibe. Like you can't trust what you're seeing. The teasing is brutal. Not just from Sophie, who goes from sweet wife to something else entirely depending on your choices, but from the whole situation. There's this one scene early on where she's just sitting on the couch, and the way she looks at her phone and then back at you, the dialogue options are all pathetic and you know you're already losing. The romance path is there but it feels like a trap. I wish the stat tracking was less obtuse, sometimes you make a choice and have no idea why it unlocked something until way later. The humor is dark, like genuinely uncomfortable laughs when Alex is being a complete doormat and the game just lets you stew in it. The branching is where it gets wild. You think you're playing a simulator about fixing a marriage and then suddenly there's mind control and you're watching your wife get railed by some guy named Marcus while a doctor takes notes. The cuckold stuff isn't just there for shock value, it's woven into the conspiracy which is a choice I guess. Some paths have Sophie's tits practically spilling out of everything while she explains how you were never enough, and the writing actually makes you feel the humiliation. The virgin tag is misleading though, Alex is married, but he's so inexperienced and pathetic that it might as well count. There's a moment in the MKULTRA route where you have to choose between looking at evidence or looking at Sophie's ass and the game knows what you'll pick. It always knows. The AI CGs in those scenes are weirdly hot, like someone fed a neural network nothing but hentai and 50s propaganda posters. 3dcg ★ 5.0 Erotic Cosmic Sheriff ORGIVAN v0.6.9 The first transformation sequence is so aggressively cheap it loops back around to being art. Sparks fly, the armor materializes with a sound like a trash compactor falling down stairs, and the sheriff helmet just sort of appears on your head between frames. I laughed so hard I nearly closed the tab, but then the first alien woman showed up and her tits were, I mean, genuinely massive. Like the AI understood the assignment and then asked for extra credit. The whole thing runs on this janky charm where the 3D models look like they were rendered on a toaster from 2006 but the lighting on the skin, especially during the groping scenes, has this weirdly competent subsurface scattering thing going on. It's uncanny. You get dropped into a sandbox with a world map that has actual cities on it, which surprised me. There's a karma system that supposedly carries over to a sequel, so I spent twenty minutes agonizing over whether to be a dick to this one green skinned lady who kept teasing me through a viewscreen. The dialogue is written by someone who clearly mainlines tokusatsu and cheap philosophy in equal measure. One minute you're debating the nature of justice with a synthetic woman whose ass has its own gravitational pull, the next you're in a turn based battle that feels like it was coded in a weekend. The oral scenes have this particular jank where the mouth animations don't quite sync but somehow that makes it hotter? Like a bootleg VHS you found in your uncle's basement. I wish the map navigation was less clunky, the click zones are tiny and I kept accidentally groping a statue instead of the actual character, which, okay, maybe that's a feature not a bug given the tone. The soundtrack genuinely slaps though. No joke. It sounds like a lost cassette from an 80s sentai show that never existed, all wailing guitars and synth stabs. I caught myself humming one of the battle themes while doing dishes and had to sit down and think about my life choices. The multiple endings thing means I'll probably replay it, which is annoying because I told myself I'd just do a quick look. The AI CG stuff is obvious in places, especially hands, but the sheer volume of questionable women, like over a dozen apparently, means there's always some new disaster of spandex and bad decisions waiting in the next zone. Handjob ★ 3.0 A Couple Buys A Horse v3.0 [Completed] So the plot is basically a ponygirl fantasy but make it a whole career path, right? Melenum spends four years, four actual years, doing pre-training and contracts to become a proper draft horse for this couple, Magdalene and Finn. And not in some weird kink dungeon, no, it's for a noble cultural thing, a pilgrimage to a monument. The cognitive dissonance hits like a truck. You're watching this 22 year old, fully transformed, getting hitched to a cart, and everyone is just nodding like this is a normal Tuesday. The first real scene where Finn "inspects" the new acquisition. He's checking her... fittings. The bit in her mouth. How she responds to the reins. Magdalene is right there, giving pointers. It's not even framed as a hardcore BDSM scene at first, it's this clinical, ownerly evaluation that somehow makes your skin flush hotter than any obvious slave smut. He runs a hand down her flank, comments on the muscle tone, and then casually fingers her to check her "responsiveness" for breeding stock. The matter-of-fact creampie that follows isn't even the main event, it's the way he wipes his hand on her thigh after. Pure casual degradation. The visual design leans hard into the 2dcg style, big assets, the kind of exaggerated anatomy that makes the groping and spanking land with a satisfying visual pop. The voyeurism tag does a lot of heavy lifting here, because half the erotic charge comes from Magdalene's calm gaze while Finn does whatever. Wish the lesbian scenes weren't so buried though, you get one flashback to the "training program" with another mare that hints at way more interesting dynamics than the main couple provides. The kinetic novel structure means you're just along for the ride, no branching, which is fine until the exhibitionism scenes at a tavern where I desperately wanted a dialogue choice that wasn't just "whinny submissively." The tentacle bit near the mountain pass felt tacked on, some random shrine monster that exists for one scene and vanishes. But that's the genre, I guess. Big Tits ★ 5.0 Swimmer Admiration 2 [Demo v0.1] Okay so the volleyball uniform thing. That's what got me first. Like, I'm an artist, right, and my brain just went brrrr with all the fanart potential. The way the fabric stretches during the titfuck scene, you know the one, with Kasumi still in her sweaty sportswear after practice. The 2dcg style is deliberately rough, not polished, which somehow makes the whole corruption arc hit harder. It feels like finding someone's sketchbook full of revenge fantasies. The blackmail mechanic is where I got properly hooked though. You're Aiden, this guy coming back with a grudge, and you start digging up secrets. I went full male domination route first, just to see how far it goes. There's this moment where you catch her after the game, still in that uniform, and the handjob scene unlocks. She's looking at you with this mix of hate and something else. The oral sex scene later, when she's on her knees, I actually forgot to screenshot because I was too busy thinking about how to draw that expression later. The sporty girls tag doesn't do it justice, it's more about breaking someone who thinks they're untouchable. I wish there was a gallery mode though. Having to replay choices to see all the stripping scenes is a pain. But then again, the relationship management stuff means you miss things on purpose. Like, I tried being nice to her once and the whole vibe shifted. Boring. Went back to being an asshole immediately. The big tits are great but honestly I'm here for the power trip, the way her confidence crumbles. My tablet is literally covered in sketches now. Send help. Or don't.

Comments (11)

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I this bitch she wont like me do nothing

ggggggggggggg

Just click the little question mark in the corner

This game is great and sexy

what

what are you supposed to do in the second part

i cant play too

i cant play bro

FUCK IM WET

hhhhhhhhhhhhh