Unohana's Make a Porn

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★ 3.5 (116 votes) 32.5K plays Flash Arcade

About this game

Retsu Unohana. That gentle smile. That braid. And now she's staring at me from nine different angles while I try to figure out how long her scene should last. This Bleach parody thing is weirdly specific but I'm not complaining. The whole premise is you're directing a porn shoot and you get to pick from these fixed camera positions, set the speed, set the duration, then hit render and watch your masterpiece. Or disaster. Depends on your choices really.

The interface feels like someone built it in a weekend and never looked back. Everything's a bit clunky, buttons are just... there, no fancy transitions. But somehow that adds to the charm? Like finding an old VHS tape you shouldn't have. The Unohana model is surprisingly decent though. Her expression stays mostly the same which is a shame because I kept expecting her to do that scary captain thing where she smiles but her eyes go cold. Missed opportunity honestly. The brunette hair physics are whatever, I've seen worse in actual games that cost money. Wait, did I mention you can't control the actors directly? You're just picking camera cuts and hoping the algorithm gives you something good. Sometimes it does. Sometimes you get five seconds of awkward positioning and have to start over.

I spent way too long on one particular angle, the low shot from camera 7 I think, trying to sync it perfectly with the next cut. The preview window is tiny and I kept squinting at my phone like an idiot. But when it works, when the sequence flows and Unohana's doing her thing, there's this weird satisfaction. Like you actually directed something. The parody aspect is thin though, she could be any character really. They didn't lean into the Bleach lore at all which feels lazy. No zanpakuto, no healing kido, nothing. Just the outfit and the hair. Still, for what it is, a browser thing you mess with for a bit, it scratches an itch. The render button becomes addictive. Just one more cut. Just one more adjustment. Then suddenly you've made seventeen versions of the same scene and you're not sure if that's impressive or concerning.

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There's a mechanic where you can play with yourself during work hours and if you time it wrong a customer walks in which I found more funny than stressful. The autofellatio scenes are the main draw obviously and they're animated enough to work, not super smooth but the expressions sell it. Some positions look genuinely uncomfortable which adds something, like yeah that spine is not okay but she's committed. I wish the business management had more depth because after a few cycles you've seen the loop and it's just grinding for the remaining CGs. The oral sex scenes with customers are a nice break from the self suck focus but there's only a few of them. The blonde hair physics are nonexistent, just kind of a solid shape that moves weird when she bends over. For players who get the most out of this it's probably the ones who already know they're into the specific niche of futa self suck and don't mind a simple clicker style game wrapped around it. If you're here for the titfuck tag specifically that's actually pretty limited, more of a side thing than a main event. I kept waiting for more variety in the repair jobs but it's always the same three car problems. The mechanic simulator part is more aesthetic than simulation honestly but it gives enough structure that the scenes feel earned somehow, like you worked for that impossible flexibility display.

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This is good

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